Have you been struggling with the idea of getting a goat? Do you want one but your spouse says no? Well here is a list of argumentation for you to provide either to your spouse, or to yourself, in support of goat acquisition.
10. Sexual Gratification:
One of the most common functions of the contemporary goat, and undoubtedly one of the least agreed upon.
9. Harvesting:
The most commonly utilized aspect of goat possession, and also the most agreed upon. This includes harvesting such commodities as milk, cheese, meat, hair/wool, goat babies, or even the vitamin C produced in the liver of the goat.
8. Mowing the Lawn:
Goats have a low methane output and require little more than the lawn itself as fuel for their engines. Go green today, go goat.
7. Synchronized Goat Fainting:
Two dozen goats collapsing into a vague flower petal formation brings a whole new level to the fainting goat scene.
6. Riding into Battle:
The goat-style warsteed is a much more economic, sensible, and metal-ass way to wage war on nearby nations.
5. Pulling Children on Sleds:
Because a horse is too big to achieve optimum streamlining, and a dog is too weak to achieve optimum quarter mile speed.
4. Attract Mates:
Little does the common Goat-Fucker realize, that the ladies love the goat and will flock to any man in possession of one.
3. Lead Climbing Partner:
Because campusing is so last season, now it is all about the four-limb crimp –you’ll be at the top of that 5.13 in no time–
2. Parkour Stunt Double:
Goats have been doing parkour for way longer than it has even been cool. I mean like, goats have been doing parkour since before cities were even born! Next time you flake out on that key scene for your new Sponsor Me Tape, you’ll be glad that you have a #goatBro in your back pocket.
1. Satanic Rituals:
The most obvious and standard function of the goat, whether you need to refill the Flask of Goat’s Blood, need an idol to worship, or even a victim for your Satanic sexual abuse group ceremony, it is always advisable to have a spare goat on hand.
I hope this line of argumentation has assisted you in solidifying your next big life decision, to get a goat.
By Cyril House
